Sunsets, flowers, fabulous skies.... These, and so many more, are some of the photos that I have taken recently. I went with Gabriel to the zoo yesterday. We got there just after 5 pm but they stop letting people in at 5 pm so we sneaked (snuck?) in through the exit as somebody was leaving. It was nice to be in the zoo practically all by ourselves but we really didn't do much. I got photos of him looking at the lions and the tigers. After that we went to the park that is connected to the zoo and Gabe chased squirrels and birds and looked for fish in the pond. I took a few decent photos. Here is the problem - my picasa web albums have reached their quota. That means no more photos on the blog for the time being until I upgrade or dump old photos. I don't know what to do. I don't want to spend the money to upgrade to bigger storage and I don't want to delete my old photos.
For now, all I can say is 'use your imaginations.' I got a lot of good stuff.
Later,
me
Thursday, July 9, 2009
Wednesday, July 8, 2009
Independence Day
I have felt a lot of writer's block here on the blog lately. I just don't know what to write about. I don't want to be too open and yet I don't want to be constantly censoring myself either. I had a smooth flight home. I got here and ate dinner at the neighbor's house and after that Becky, Gabe, and I as well as many of the neighborhood teenagers who hang out next door went to see the fireworks show in downtown Memphis on the riverfront. I was really happy to do this with Gabe. Last year, I was in Costa Rica last year for 4th of July. Two years ago, Gabe L-O-V-E-D the fireworks. I was so much fun seeing them with him then. I didn't want to miss the chance to spend this year with Gabe on the 4th. That was my whole reason for not staying in New York to see the biggest fireworks show in the country, but I was really disappointed with the lameness of Memphis' fireworks show. The whole thing lasted 15 minutes from start to finish. I was over before we could even settle comfortably into our seats on the curb (yeah – I was sitting in the gutter with my son). Here are a few photos. I didn't get many photos and the only camera I had with me was my phone.
Speaking of my phone – it broke while I was in New York. I went sleep about 2 am on the 28th of June. I use my phone as an alarm (it crows like a rooster in the morning to wake me up) and the battery was low so I plugged it in. I got up about 6:45 am and looked at the phone but it was not on. Nothing I could do would turn it on. I have a spare battery but even that didn't help anything. I took it to Sprint and they replaced it for free. Still, I was without a phone for about a week. I got it back on the 2nd of July. It is a good phone. It has a good camera. I am glad to have it back.
Finally, here are two videos from Gabe's first fireworks experience way back in 2007. He loved it. I liked the fireworks that we saw in 2007 a lot more than the ones that we went and watched this year. I was seriously disappointed this year. Maybe a part of what disappointed me was that Gabe wasn't as thrilled as he was two years ago. I guess that you just can't do a FIRST time more than once. I really like his spontaneous dancing at the start of Video 2 as well as his clapping at about 1:15 in Video 2.
love,
me
Sunday, July 5, 2009
Home
I woke up in my own bed for the first time in 9 weeks this morning. It is good to be home. I quit updating the blog for a while. I was (still am) tired. From June 11 to July 1st, I worked every single day but two days and one of those days was a day I could have worked but I took off to travel with Becky to Connecticut.
I am home now and I have about ten days to prepare to teach a new course that I am teaching from mid July to mid August. It really isn't time off - I have a lot to do, but when did I ever take time off. That is just ridiculous.
I am home now and I have about ten days to prepare to teach a new course that I am teaching from mid July to mid August. It really isn't time off - I have a lot to do, but when did I ever take time off. That is just ridiculous.
Thursday, June 25, 2009
Wednesday, June 24, 2009
The truth be told...
The truth be told, I don't know what I am doing most of the time. Not specifically, but generally. Specifically, I do great with things - that is to say, I know what I am doing with most things. I am very task oriented when given something to do but I still have a hard time finding my own task. I don't know what the point of any of it is most of the time. I don't feel a direction. I don't feel a real connection most of the time. Sure, there are exceptions - like glimpses into something that exists in other places but not here most of the time. I feel like most, not all, of my relationships with people are fairly fruitless and without much that is lasting or meaningful. Even here on my blog or on Facebook (perhaps more in these virtual places than in "real" life) the socializing that exists feels like social masturbation - kinda' sorta' like real socializing, but without really taking away the loneliness that social connections, or friends, are supposed to help with.
The truth be told, I think about suicide almost every single day.
I am not planning suicide - those are not the sort of thoughts that I have about suicide. I mean, the truth be told, the people who literally think about suicide the most are probably the people who work on those suicide prevention hot lines that we have all seen and all forgotten. But those are not the sort of thoughts that I have about suicide either. Suicide scares me. It seems like it has happened more than once around me.... My next door neighbor attempted suicide a couple of weeks ago. My step-grandpa committed suicide. He did it the day after Christmas so that 'it wouldn't affect any one's holiday' that way. Most of what I read online or hear on the radio about suicide is stuff that really scares me. It scares me because it very often seems to describe people I know, very often myself as well. Most of the time, the thoughts are not consciously premeditated or invited and I do what I can to discard them. I don't like thinking about suicide. I don't like it at all.
Did you know that, if the truth be told, the person who is statistically most likely to kill you on purpose is yourself? Suicide is a significant cause of death in many western countries, in some cases exceeding deaths by motor vehicle accidents annually. Many countries spend vast amounts of money on safer roads, but very little on suicide awareness and prevention, or on educating people about how to make good life choices. The average rate of suicide in the United States is about 12.4 per 100,000 while the average homicide rate is just over 7 per 100,000. For men (older than 15 years old) the rate is much higher - about 31 per 100,000 and it seems to get worse the older a man gets. The same is not true of woman. You can click HERE to see my source data. If not every day, I think about suicide very nearly every single week. But I don't think that I have a problem - honestly. I mean it. The thing is, I don't know if that sort of thinking is really that abnormal because this just isn't the sort of thing that people talk about. (Seriously - tell me that this post isn't at least a little discomforting...). Discussing suicide is one of the few taboos that our society has preserved in its march toward total post-modern tolerance. That may be a good thing in some ways, but I am not convinced that it is completely good. I mean, shouldn't the truth be told?
Good night.
The truth be told, I think about suicide almost every single day.
I am not planning suicide - those are not the sort of thoughts that I have about suicide. I mean, the truth be told, the people who literally think about suicide the most are probably the people who work on those suicide prevention hot lines that we have all seen and all forgotten. But those are not the sort of thoughts that I have about suicide either. Suicide scares me. It seems like it has happened more than once around me.... My next door neighbor attempted suicide a couple of weeks ago. My step-grandpa committed suicide. He did it the day after Christmas so that 'it wouldn't affect any one's holiday' that way. Most of what I read online or hear on the radio about suicide is stuff that really scares me. It scares me because it very often seems to describe people I know, very often myself as well. Most of the time, the thoughts are not consciously premeditated or invited and I do what I can to discard them. I don't like thinking about suicide. I don't like it at all.
Did you know that, if the truth be told, the person who is statistically most likely to kill you on purpose is yourself? Suicide is a significant cause of death in many western countries, in some cases exceeding deaths by motor vehicle accidents annually. Many countries spend vast amounts of money on safer roads, but very little on suicide awareness and prevention, or on educating people about how to make good life choices. The average rate of suicide in the United States is about 12.4 per 100,000 while the average homicide rate is just over 7 per 100,000. For men (older than 15 years old) the rate is much higher - about 31 per 100,000 and it seems to get worse the older a man gets. The same is not true of woman. You can click HERE to see my source data. If not every day, I think about suicide very nearly every single week. But I don't think that I have a problem - honestly. I mean it. The thing is, I don't know if that sort of thinking is really that abnormal because this just isn't the sort of thing that people talk about. (Seriously - tell me that this post isn't at least a little discomforting...). Discussing suicide is one of the few taboos that our society has preserved in its march toward total post-modern tolerance. That may be a good thing in some ways, but I am not convinced that it is completely good. I mean, shouldn't the truth be told?
Good night.
Monday, June 22, 2009
Suddenly Things Are Different
Here we are, two days out from Father's Day and for some reason I am thinking about my son. It is strange, and a little difficult to put into words, the way that parenthood changes things. Before Gabe was born I never received Father's Day cards. Before the birth of our son, my wife wasn't a mother. I was married to a woman who wasn't a mom. Parenthood changes relationships. I recently told my wife that Gabe is my favorite person. She responded, "Even over me, huh?"
Yes, honey.
It is hard to explain, but suddenly everything was different. I remember being there at the hospital. Becky had a really traumatizing c-section. I held her hand as she turned from a nervous pregnant woman into a pale, gray new mom as she nearly bled to death on the operating table. I could smell the burnt Becky flesh as the cauterizing scalpel drew line after line of incision across her belly. I watched as the doctor cut her and pulled her abs aside like a fist full of too-red spaghetti. Suddenly, in a quick and urgent motion the doctor reached into the gaping wound and pulled out a little nameless child by the left arm and head. He wasn't crying. Becky was in a stupid sort of a shock, unaware of the pain and unaware of the blood loss thanks to whatever spinal tap they had her on. As quickly as the baby came out, the doctor, herself not unaware of the risks of Becky's blood loss, was back to work to save her. My son was passed to a nurse and whisked to the side of the room and I was still holding Becky's hand - not sure what to do about the baby. Should I go to him, or stay by my wife's side to make sure she doesn't die? (as if my presence could change that outcome somehow.) The doctor cleared up my indecision very quickly by kicking me out of the O R.
I left her there and went with Gabe to give him his first bath and see the nurse finish trimming his belly button down to size. She didn't even ask me if I wanted to keep the cord. I didn't want to, but it would have been nice to tell her that myself. I got to put his first diaper on him and then I got to hold him. I stayed with him for a long time while Becky was in post-op recovery. Holding Gabe for the first time taught me a totally new kind of love, immediately and without warning. Suddenly, everything changed.
Gabe is a huge part of my reason for wanting a successful marriage. He is my favorite person. (Sorry, Becky, but if it is any consolation, I think that things changed for you as well). My wife changed toward me after that. I was not the primary focus of most of her attention. I was not her priority the way I was before he came along. I liked being her priority but I think that our whole relationship changed when Gabe came. There are times that I am jealous of the attention that he gets from her. There are times when I would like more of her attention but I don't get it because he needs it more. But then I remember how easy he is to love and how hard I can be to love. Really, if I had to choose between him and me, I would choose him every time as well.
He really is my favorite person.
Yes, honey.
It is hard to explain, but suddenly everything was different. I remember being there at the hospital. Becky had a really traumatizing c-section. I held her hand as she turned from a nervous pregnant woman into a pale, gray new mom as she nearly bled to death on the operating table. I could smell the burnt Becky flesh as the cauterizing scalpel drew line after line of incision across her belly. I watched as the doctor cut her and pulled her abs aside like a fist full of too-red spaghetti. Suddenly, in a quick and urgent motion the doctor reached into the gaping wound and pulled out a little nameless child by the left arm and head. He wasn't crying. Becky was in a stupid sort of a shock, unaware of the pain and unaware of the blood loss thanks to whatever spinal tap they had her on. As quickly as the baby came out, the doctor, herself not unaware of the risks of Becky's blood loss, was back to work to save her. My son was passed to a nurse and whisked to the side of the room and I was still holding Becky's hand - not sure what to do about the baby. Should I go to him, or stay by my wife's side to make sure she doesn't die? (as if my presence could change that outcome somehow.) The doctor cleared up my indecision very quickly by kicking me out of the O R.
I left her there and went with Gabe to give him his first bath and see the nurse finish trimming his belly button down to size. She didn't even ask me if I wanted to keep the cord. I didn't want to, but it would have been nice to tell her that myself. I got to put his first diaper on him and then I got to hold him. I stayed with him for a long time while Becky was in post-op recovery. Holding Gabe for the first time taught me a totally new kind of love, immediately and without warning. Suddenly, everything changed.
Gabe is a huge part of my reason for wanting a successful marriage. He is my favorite person. (Sorry, Becky, but if it is any consolation, I think that things changed for you as well). My wife changed toward me after that. I was not the primary focus of most of her attention. I was not her priority the way I was before he came along. I liked being her priority but I think that our whole relationship changed when Gabe came. There are times that I am jealous of the attention that he gets from her. There are times when I would like more of her attention but I don't get it because he needs it more. But then I remember how easy he is to love and how hard I can be to love. Really, if I had to choose between him and me, I would choose him every time as well.
He really is my favorite person.
Friday, June 19, 2009
Music
So, I am going to try something different with my Music Post. Perhaps most obvious is that it is not Monday, or maybe it is more noteworthy that I am doing this at all (after my long hiatus here).
Really, there is a lot of music that I like, and that I would like to share, but two obstacles that I was struggling with were, first, I really listen to a lot of the same stuff over and over again (all the time) so continuing to find new music or different genres of music is a challenge and, second, I really can't always find the stuff that I want to share on http://www.youtube.com/ or other video hosting sites, or when I actually do find videos that I want I can't always embed them.
This brings me to the something different that I want to experiment with - I am putting a downloadable link of music from my own computer rather than a music video. If this is offensive to anyone, let me know - I will try to be both responsive and responsible in handling any complaints about the sharing of music via the Internet.
To listen to the song, you have to open or download it. I know that this works though Mozilla FireFox but I don't know if it will download through Internet Explorer. Leave a comment and let me know how or if it works for you. If readers of my blog actually want to know HOW I am doing this, perhaps I will explain it in a different post. To those who are timid about clicking on a link, these are virus-free downloads. Now you can add my play list to your play list. :)
All I really have to say about these songs is that I like them. I especially like the second song. Both of these are The Gypsy Kings.
The Gypsy Kings - Quiero Saber
Download as MP3
The Gypsy Kings - Montana
Download as MP3
Really, there is a lot of music that I like, and that I would like to share, but two obstacles that I was struggling with were, first, I really listen to a lot of the same stuff over and over again (all the time) so continuing to find new music or different genres of music is a challenge and, second, I really can't always find the stuff that I want to share on http://www.youtube.com/ or other video hosting sites, or when I actually do find videos that I want I can't always embed them.
This brings me to the something different that I want to experiment with - I am putting a downloadable link of music from my own computer rather than a music video. If this is offensive to anyone, let me know - I will try to be both responsive and responsible in handling any complaints about the sharing of music via the Internet.
To listen to the song, you have to open or download it. I know that this works though Mozilla FireFox but I don't know if it will download through Internet Explorer. Leave a comment and let me know how or if it works for you. If readers of my blog actually want to know HOW I am doing this, perhaps I will explain it in a different post. To those who are timid about clicking on a link, these are virus-free downloads. Now you can add my play list to your play list. :)
All I really have to say about these songs is that I like them. I especially like the second song. Both of these are The Gypsy Kings.
The Gypsy Kings - Quiero Saber
Download as MP3
The Gypsy Kings - Montana
Download as MP3
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
